X-S FC 2

FC HO BO?* 0

*translates to "how are you?" in hokkien

A serious match report

It was an encouraging performance by the Harpies after a long break as they played good football, from defence to attack. The chances created were plenty, and the team looked to be in control for most of the game. The midfield and attack closed down well from the front, limiting their chances, and protecting the defence well. Good build up leading to the first goal for Fabreyaz. If you thought that was nice, the second goal was nicer. Habib Bhaiye dribbled in the defence, before sending a tasty ball over the top for Yong Tevez to flick over the keeper. Well done lads. We are in good shape to for our future games, which will get tough (yes, even the one against Heaven Eleven).

And if you think you'll get a serious match report for once, you are so wrong.

A more serious match report

The attacking display on show was also partly due to the introduction of new signing, Adam Apple. A stout young player with good feet, he orchestrated many attacks, particularly in the second half when Fabreyaz was on the bench checking out the opposing team's physiotherapist. Similarly to the club's previous signing, Ah Neh, Adam Apple has established himself as a crowd favourite among the Harpy faithful, with the male fans in one united voice singing, " we've only got one Adam Apple". He added much more thrust and penetration to the team, not that we aren't able to thrust and penetrate, but sometimes we like doing it with more people around.

Our reporter caught up with Yarsene Wenger in the tunnel after the game and managed a delightful interview.

Reporter: Hi there Mr. Wenger!

Yarsene: Hey reporter yo!

Reporter: What is your reason for changing the captain of your team every game?

Yarsene: At X-S FC we believe in giving every player the opportunity to be a leader. We are more than a club. And that's why we send our players to universities to study in case they don't make it in soccer.

Reporter: I see. Why didn't Fabreyaz play in the second half?

Yarsene: He really wanted to ogle at the physiotherapist and jack off and pleaded with me really badly so i agreed. I believe that the team has strength in depth and can cope without the presence of Fabreyaz occasionally.

Reporter: How was Woo Wee Beck's performance today? You took him off after awhile.

Yarsene: He had an outstanding game despite the short cameo. We are slowly easing him back to full fitness. But he played really well. That professional foul was what really changed the game. If he didn't, i'm cock sure the player would have dribbled past the entire defence to score. He has great foreskin..i meant foresight that young man.

Reporter: Thanks for your time! By the way could you get the management to take down the raunchy pictures of Derek O'Leary outside the stadium? They scare the crap out of all the little young boys.

Yarsene: Sure thing. I'll get them taken down and pasted on the walls of my room.

He doesn't look a thing like Jesus. Neither does the one behind.

Virgins.

Man of the match. And the next captain.