When Jai Ho meets Das Dingo

X-S FC 3
Street 21 5

It was a clash of warcries. When two of the fiercest warcries come up against each other, birds flock away and it is never for the faint-hearted. Because within 10 minutes, X-S FC were 3-0 up and the faint-hearted would have been shell-shocked. "It was a brilliant response from the players after a disappointing game last weekend. I lambasted them harder than a blast-ended skewt could have done and it was perfect." said Yarsene Wenger.But all went wrong thereafter. A leaky defence simply could not cope with the technique of the opponents and they were missing Ferdineng who would have had a great calming influence.

Yarsene Wenger's fetish for right backs continue as he brought on a promising youngster, Farhan Buei Tahan, who did nothing but break promises. Fans are getting annoyed with Wenger as he persists in his quest to search for the best right back, and accumulate plenty on the bench as a result. Wenger's search for the perfect matchday formula has not been doing well either. The presence of Esther Longoria back on the touchline sashaying around and strutting her stuff did not prove enough to rouse the attention of the gay contingent. "It has to be the camera!" replied Wenger when asked about what he's missing this time round.

The referee angered the gay contingent time and again with his poor calls. His unwillingness to dish out the cards has left chief of the FA(Fucking Assholes) tremendously pleased. After all, that's where all dickheads congregate. Our correspondence managed to get a couple of lines out of the referee as he tried sneaking out of the stadium as gay fans were constantly pelting him with used condoms and spoilt dildos. "To be honest, that was a sending off. I reached into my pocket, ready to pull out the red. And then it hit me. I forgot my cards."

The game ended off on a sour note when there were rumours of some unhappiness in the dressing room. Our correspondence managed to grab hold of Thaqif Osteros, who was trying to sneak out of the stadium to rush to his keyboarding lessons. Said Osteros in his usual lackadaisacal tone "Err..there was abit of fighting in the dressing room, which mainly involved Fabreyaz and Yongberto. It started out with a little squabble, and it slowly got bigger. Punches started coming in, clotheslines, chokeslams, soon it became a free for all and everyone was having some action. Cicineo could be seen taking advantage of the situation as he satisfied his desire for male flesh unnoticed. Mashaunrano tried to calm the situation down by shouting 'SUNDAY GAME SUNDAY GAME' but to no avail. True Story." Before he left, Osteros gave some insight on why the team has been on a rotting streak, "Perhaps the lack of cohesion is due to the lack of Dota games".

We wonder if it is the case. Wonder no more. Dr. Ally Mczouky provided empirical evidence that dota plays an important role in the team development, based on his research paper, "Dota and Footballing Dynamics. "Dota definitely helps in gameplay. Players become configured to go for first blood, and subsequently, look to improve their game from there. Every time they dribble past a player or make a good play, a small voice shouts in their head 'ownage', and that's a good motivational source for everyone".

Just as our correspondence was about to leave the stadium, she caught sections of the fans asking questions that are definitely unanswerable at this point. "Where's Booninho?", "Have you abandoned us Booney?", "Come back, Booninho!", "Booney Boon! Marry me!", "Nice ass, Booney", were the popular placards that were on display.

Man of the Match: Habib Bhai. 5 stars out of 5. His appearance alone already gives him 3 stars out of 5. 1 star for consistently trying to send good balls over the top for the strikers. Looked to help the referee look for his cards by shouting "Ref, where's the card?" and for that, he gets the last star. Perfect score.